


call it dreaming

by ciaconnaa



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, friend dates and teas and sleepovers and a dash of ptsd, humor and soft and fuzzies as well, pride and prejudice hand holding.jpg but make it platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciaconnaa/pseuds/ciaconnaa
Summary: After the war, Toph has nightmares. The screeching of metal, Sokka and Suki's screams, the snap of Sokka's leg as it broke from their fall. It's usually his confession that they aren't going to make it that makes her wake up in a cold sweat. She's anxious all the time now, unable to find peaceful sleep.The cure is apparently to hold hands with her friends for all hours of the day and hope that they're cool with it.
Relationships: Aang & Toph Beifong, Toph Beifong & Katara, Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong & Suki, Toph Beifong & The Gaang, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Comments: 66
Kudos: 625





	call it dreaming

Despite her impressive achievement in inventing metalbending, when Toph finally gets her feet back on solid ground after hopping from airship to airship, she silently vows to keep to dirt for the foreseeable future. 

Then the nightmares happen. 

Her opinion on metal shifts - it no longer feels like a prize. It’s a cold, slick hindrance that her feet have a poor grip on. If it weren’t for Sokka’s constant tug on her arm as he dragged the two of them on the top, if it weren’t for Suki’s occasional hand on her back as she steadied her when they climbed up and down ladders in the airship, if it weren’t for the callouses on Sokka’s fingers gripping the absolutely _life_ out of Toph’s fingers as she dangled hundreds of feet in the air - metal would be her downfall and earth would be nothing more than a blanket keeping her warm while she rests six feet under it.

Toph doesn’t dream like the rest - Aang’s tales of his nightmares and hallucinations before the day of Black Sun were not something she could relate to. Toph’s nightmares are the screeching of metal - like nails on a chalkboard. Suki and Sokka’s cries when they were separated on the broken airship. Sokka’s scream when his leg broke. The actual _snapping_ sound his leg made when it broke, mixed with the creaking of metal. She reimagines the pain in his voice as he strained to hold her. 

It’s usually his confession that they’re gonna die that wakes her up with a jolt, her body feeling like it’s in freefall for a split second before she’s able to use her bending to remind herself where she is - safe, sound, and most definitely on solid ground.

She wrings her hands, weaving her fingers together, and tries to remember - the soft skin of Katara’s hands, Aang’s knobby fingers, Sokka’s constant paper cuts.

Toph never does manage to fall back asleep.

* * *

“Honestly. Have you seen this list? Sokka is insane.”

There’s the sound of parchment fluttering in the wind before Katara lets out the third or fourth resigned sigh of the morning. “Right, sorry. But let me tell you, it’s _insane._ Not only is it illegible, but the amount of komodo chicken on this list is astronomical. And why do we need so many _flaming fire flakes?”_

The festivities after the war ended have been never ending, but it was Sokka and Aang’s idea that they finally throw a smaller, more personal party for Team Avatar. Nothing too crazy, but one without the help of Zuko’s cooks and servants, or the constant socializing that comes with throwing a palace grade party. _They_ pick out the food, _they_ cook it, _they_ do whatever they please. And while Sokka has usually been the designated shopper of the group, his leg has put him out of commission and left Katara as second in command. Zuko had one last meeting with Aang in attendance about the utilization of Kyoshi warriors as guards, so Toph was Katara’s only chance at a companion. Which normally, she didn’t mind. But walking around at sunrise when you have barely slept in days isn’t exactly a picnic.

Case in point: Toph lets out the longest yawn before she points uselessly at the shopping list she knows is in Katara’s hand. “Aang’s the only one who likes flaming fire flakes. Blame him for that.”

Katara sighs, one that flutters Toph’s bangs along her eyelashes; she can smell the berries that Katara had for breakfast on her breath. “I’m sure he’s to blame for a lot of these sweets on here, too. Fire gummies, hotcakes, cookies, fruit tarts, rice candy -”

“The rice candy was me,” Toph admits, smile sheepish. “Along with at least half the suggested komodo chicken on that list.”

“Fruit,” Katara stresses, but Toph can hear the smile in her voice. “And vegetables. Fruit and vegetables, that’s what all of you need. “ She hears Karara put away the shopping list. Seems like they’re going rogue. “C’mon, let’s start with mangos, there’s a stand over there that looks promising.”

Without much thought, Katara uses her hand not holding the basket to grab Toph’s, leading her through the market. A habit she often does with her brother to steer him away from unnecessary purchases, Katara doesn’t seem to realize she’s not Sokka, not even after they’ve finished buying mangos, apples, and cherries. 

But Toph doesn’t say anything about it. For the first time in what feels like forever, Toph isn’t having to recall just how soft Katara’s hands are. She’s _feeling_ them, cool to the touch, her palms never clammy. It’s not until they go to get Aang’s coveted fire flakes that Toph squeezes her fingers and it dawns onto Katara what she’s done.

She drops Toph’s hand, and the freefall feeling is back.

“Sorry,” Katara says, regret in her tone. “I know you don’t like to be needlessly dragged about town. I didn’t mean -”

Toph is clumsy as she finds Katara’s hand, clasping her palm with hers.

“It’s okay,” she says, mentally ashamed with how twelve years old she actually sounds today. She bites her bottom lip until she tastes blood. “Please. It’s okay.”

She can feel a slight increase in Katara’s pulse - a sign she’s becoming a bit concerned. “Toph?” her name is so kind out of her mouth these days. “You good?”

“Yes,” Toph whispers. “I just.” She squeezes Katara’s hand. “You can keep holding my hand. I don’t mind.”

Toph hears Katara set the basket down before the back of her other hand presses against Toph’s forehead. She waits for the sound of water to wrap around Katara’s hand, but it never comes. “Are you not feeling well?” She loosens her grip on her hand, but when Toph squeezes it with earthbending strength she gets the plea - Katara holds on. “Want to sit down?”

She tries for a smile. “I’m okay. Let’s just keep going.”

Katara tuts, but gives in, picking up the basket and continuing through the market buying whatever she pleases, Sokka and Aang’s shopping list be damned. 

She buys Toph extra rice candy.

And until they make it back to Zuko’s palace, she never lets go of her hand.

* * *

Katara doesn’t bring up the hand holding, which Toph is eternally grateful for. But she feels her eyes on her more often, and that makes Toph even more fidgety. Katara tries to be a calming presence; she invites her for meditations in the mornings and finds ways to casually massage her fingers into Toph’s scalp in hopes of relieving the headaches she apparently thinks are ailing her. Before bed, she makes this - honestly, _rancid_ tasting - Water Tribe tea that’s supposed to knock her out and let her sleep soundly. 

It doesn’t work.

“Don’t tell Katara I sad this, but that tea is awful. I’ll make you something better.”

Toph has been standing like a zombie in the palace kitchen for oh, maybe twenty minutes, bumbling around in an attempt to make another sleeping tea from the prep Katara left behind. She heard Zuko’s footsteps about a minute ago and resigned to her fate of twenty questions - only it doesn’t come. The kitchen begins to warm as Zuko no doubt lights all the candles so he can get to work. 

He comes behind her and he expects the usual - two firm hands on her shoulders that gently move her out of the way so he can do what he needs to do. Instead she just gets one, his fingers leaving a friendly squeeze, before he moves to stand right next to her, so close the sleeves of their tunics touch.

She doesn’t say anything, only listens to the sounds of china clanking and kettles hissing. 

“There’s this daisy, native to only one little island in the fire nation. It makes really nice, calming tea,” Zuko says. “It’s a lot like jasmine, you have to be careful not to over steep it, or it’ll be unsavory.”

Toph’s mouth is dry when she opens it to speak. Her voice sounds foreign to her own ears. “It’s almost like you ran a tea shop or something.”

Zuko snorts out a laugh, bumping her with his elbow; he ends up propping it up on her shoulder while they wait for the tea to be ready and Toph uses the opportunity to duck her head under his arm and give him a hug.

“Hey,” he says, the word a little awkward on his tongue, but it’s so very warm. He pats her back twice, clearly new on the whole comforting front. He doesn’t know what to do. “It’s okay.”

“I know,” Toph mumbles into his tunic, because it’s true. Everything is okay now. 

The kettle screeches when it’s ready and the noise is too high pitched - it turns into the sounds of metal scraping, of Sokka screaming, of debris smashing above them as they cower on the ship's roof.

It’s not okay.

She whines and Zuko moves, taking a step away to reassess, but Toph lurches forward and grabs his hand before he can get away.

She hasn’t held his hand before, and she’s quick to memorize the feel. His hand is soft like Katara’s, but so much warmer. Almost sweaty. There’s scars on two of his fingers. 

It flusters him, if the way his skin flushes beneath her grip is any indication. “Uhh,” he stutters out before he makes a decision to embrace this weird situation and squeezes her hand back; the tension finally leaves his body with a long sigh. “Hey,” he says quietly, repeating the word with more urgency when Toph squeezes again, perhaps a little too hard. “Okay, okay. We’re just….gonna have some tea and get some sleep, okay?”

“Not tired,” Toph says helplessly, the heat from the tea fanning her face as Zuko pours, one handed.

“No?” Zuko says, playing along. “Well. Neither am I. Let’s go sit and watch the sunrise. I mean -” he likely grimaces when he catches his mistake, but she manages a shell of a smile. 

“I can still tell. The birds sing.”

Zuko presses against her knuckles. “Right. Let’s stay up and have some tea until the birds sing. Sound good?”

They sit outside on one of Zuko’s many terraces, side by side, the sleeve of Zuko’s tunic tickling Toph’s cheek.

He never lets go of her hand until the birds sing.

* * *

“Thanks for doing this.”

Toph grunts as a way of saying _no problem_ and begins feeling for the dents in Suki’s Kyoshi uniform. Since Zuko’s team approved of the integration of the warriors as his bodyguards, the girls have been working on mending and brightening what’s been torn and dulled. As far as the metal parts go, weapons and adornments alike, Toph seemed like the quickest resource. And she doesn’t mind. Her metalbending is still a bit sloppy, and this gives her a moment to try and refine it, to be as delicate with metal as she learned to be with sand. 

From a distance, she hears her friends shouting and playing in the sand on the beach that exists not too far from the palace. Toph refused to get on the sand - it’s fuzzy, and she can’t handle fuzzy right now. She stays perched on a rock where the terrain starts to change and even though she can see the whole rock, she’s still not fond of the isolated feeling it’s giving her. This compromise is still uneasy for her.

Suki, clearly confused as to why Toph wanted to bring work to the beach, hangs back. Suki hasn’t even shed some of her clothing for the heat. The two of them are sitting on a rock together, sweating, buried under heavy uniforms looking like two school kids being punished and not allowed recess. 

It takes a few moments for Toph to discreetly stop fidgeting her fingers before she manages to smooth out the first dent in Suki’s uniform. It makes an uncomfortable _creak_ under her nails that her mind amplifies into ships crashing into each other. A shiver goes up her spine that makes her twitch, and it isn’t something she can hide from Suki.

“Are you okay?” Suki asks. “Zuko mentioned the two of you stayed up all night drinking tea and chatting because you couldn’t sleep.”

As if on cue, Toph hears one of Zuko’s quiet snores from the blanket where he lays by Mai, napping in the sun.

“If you’re too tired, this can certainly wait. I meant no rush. I can set you up a blanket and you can take a nap on the sand -”

The thought makes Toph nearly _puke._ “No!” she shouts, reaching out to blindly grab at Suki. She nearly falls off the rock. “No,” she repeats, quieter, giving what ends up being Suki’s shoulder an awkward tap. “No, I’m fine. Really. I’d rather get this done for you.”

“Okay,” Suki says, unsure. She nestles closer and Toph can feel her drum her fingers awkwardly against the rock. When she moves on to Ty Lee’s uniform, Suki moves so her chin rests on Toph’s shoulder, bobbing up and down when Toph moves her arms - neither of them mind.

The metal makes another uncomfortable squeak and Toph groans - Suki pops her head up, clearly about to say something, but stops. It seems she takes note of the twitch in Toph’s hand and grabs it, giving her hand a few squeezes. 

And just like that, she stops shaking.

Suki doesn’t say anything else as Toph finishes. They work together in sorts, passing uniforms and fans over to each other, until the work is done.

They never let go of each other’s hands.

* * *

“Hey. Wanna go on a date?”

At this point, Toph feels so tired, she wonders if her eyes look like they could fall out of her head - she’s heard eyes look terrible when people don’t get enough sleep. But Aang definitely chooses not to notice as he stands in front of her on one of Zuko’s porches, teetering excitedly back and forth on the tips of his toes.

“A date,” Toph repeats, flat. “Don’t you have a girlfriend for one of those?”

Aang grins, she just knows it. Toph can always tell with him. “This is a _friend-date._ Only Toph and Aang are invited. There’s a lantern festival in town. Want to go?”

Even from a few feet away, Toph can still smell the peaches he’s snacked on all day leftover from their party just the other night. It’s like he’s sweating fruit juice. He probably is. “Lanterns and light aren’t exactly my thing.”

“I know,” Aang says. “But there’s also music. And food. You hardly ate today when we were at the beach.”

“Wasn’t hungry.”

Aang hums. “There’s gonna be lots of rice candy,” he sing-songs. “C’mon, just for awhile!” he buts in before she can protest. “Please? We haven’t hung out just the two of us in so long and since everyone else seems too tired from the beach, this will be the best friend date _ever.”_

Toph sighs. Outside of earthbending training, Aang is hard to say no to. “Fine. But -whoa!” she squeaks out when Aang leans down and grabs her by both hands to pull her up.

“Yes!” he cheers, dropping one of her hands. The other moves to weave their fingers together and he swings their arms a few times before he gently starts tugging her towards town.

A few people stop in town to say hi to them, but for the most part, the Fire Nation citizens leave them alone. Aang gently leads her from stand to stand, buying her the promised rice candies as well as dumplings, spicy noodles, anything that looks good in what is an obvious attempt to get her to eat something. The rice candies _are_ good, and settle the pain in her empty stomach which makes room for all of the other food. Aang chatters the entire time, managing to keep the conversation away from war and mostly on Fire Nation cuisine and festivals from 100 years ago instead. 

They hold hands the entire time.

“Oh, nice!” Aang says when they eventually stumble upon a game stand. “You can win a flying dolphin plush! I bet it’s really soft. I gotta have it.”

Toph reluctantly moves, letting go of Aang’s hand, but he snatches it right back up like she’s committed some offense. His hand fits in hers best, the same size. His skin is often chapped, but so is Toph’s. She doesn’t mind. It’s somehow comfortable.

“It’s just darts,” he tells her. “I got this with one hand. Could do it with my eyes closed.”

“Then pass it over.”

“....Okay maybe not with my eyes closed.”

She smiles, sly and more like herself. “Don’t cheat.”

“I would never!” 

“We used to, back when we did those scams -”

“Ssh!” Aang laughs. “Not in front of the vendor.” But she hears the vendor laugh with him. Seems like everyone is just too happy that the war is over to really care if the Avatar cheats in a carnival game or not.

But from what Toph can tell, Aang doesn’t cheat. Darts can’t be _that_ hard for seasoned fighters with eyes, and she hears the balloons _pop pop pop_ one by one until Aang is declared a winner.

She’s still trying to hide her wince from the noise of it all when Aang stuffs the flying dolphin plush under her other arm. “For you.”

“Oh,” Toph whispers, running her thumb across the fur. “You’re right, it’s very soft.”

“Bet it makes a great pillow.” The words come out in a yawn, which is a great accompaniment to the soft string music she hears in the distance. The party is starting to wind down. “Wanna head back?”

Toph nods and Aang smiles (she can _tell_ she _swears it)_ and he begins leading them back to the palace at the slowest pace they’ve taken all night.

“You know,” Aang says softly, gently swatting at her nose when a firefly tries to land on it. “You can talk to me about anything.”

“I know,” Toph says hurriedly. As they walk into the palace gardens, she hears the soothing noise of the fountain running, as well as some turtle ducks splashing in it’s pools. “Yeah, I know.”

Aang hums an instrumental from the festival under his breath, and starts to brush his thumb back and forth along the top of her hand. She could cry. “Are you tired yet?”

“A little,” she admits, and it’s true. The full stomach and extra walking seems to have worn her out. She might fall asleep quickly, even if she knows she’ll be woken up hours later. “The pillow you gave me certainly helps.”

“It’s a plush. A _plush.”_ Aang reiterates. 

“Okay,” Toph laughs a little. “The plush. It’s nice. Thank you.”

“Of course!” He chirps. “Anything for my favorite earthbender.” 

She sniffs, unable to help it. Aang’s brand of warmth is unlike any of her other friends’ - his voice is sometimes the most safe thing she has ever heard.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he soothes. He drops their leftover food and uses that hand to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Toph says, half-lying. She wipes at her now-wet cheeks. “I don’t understand it.” This newfound fear of everything around her certainly is a new feeling.

“Okay,” Aang accepts it. He finally lets go of her hand to wrap her in a big hug. He sways them back and forth, the plush getting lost and dropped between them. “That’s okay. We can work with that. We’ll figure it out.”

Toph sniffs again, essentially blowing her nose into Aang’s shoulder with his robes. It makes him laugh, a loud and bright sound that disturbs the turtle ducks in the fountain. “Sorry.”

“Sorry? Nothing to be sorry about. Not at all.” He pulls away. “Try to get some sleep, okay? We’ll go bug Zuko into making some tea for us in the morning and maybe we can talk about it some. If you want.”

Toph doesn’t answer, not all the way. She doesn’t know if she’ll want to talk about it. “Tea sounds good.”

“Alright!” Aang cheers. He reaches down and takes her hand again, grabbing the food and passing her the plush. “Now, what kind of tea do you think is best in the morning? I know that Zuko is partial to everything _jasmine_ at this point but I for one really think that ginger is a lot better. Actually, do you think he’d try onion and banana juice? Don’t make that face, it’s a lot better than it sounds…”

He chatters all the way inside, holding her hand until he drops her off at her room.

* * *

Toph falls asleep quickly.

But this time, she wakes up in a scream.

It’s so _loud._ That battle replays in its noises, in its terrors. She can still feel the heat coming off from the Fire Nation soldier assault on the land. She can’t take it anymore. She shakes and starts to hiccup, trying to keep the tears away before she can’t take it anymore. Sokka’s screams are too _sure_ and too _real,_ still ringing in her ears.

She needs to hear him. Well. Alive. Okay.

With the flying dolphin fish plush in hand, Toph leaves her room. She doesn’t bother tiptoeing or being quiet - Zuko’s palace is so big that she can move around without much care and still not wake the others. Toph is still disoriented from her nightmare, but she manages to pick out Sokka’s heartbeat and makes a beeline for his room. She opens the door and shuts it behind her as quickly as she can.

Sokka wakes immediately, though not with a start. “Toph?” Sometimes she thinks Sokka knows each of their footsteps as well as she does. “What’s up?”

Toph doesn’t answer. Instead she climbs into his bed and snuggles next to him, setting the dolphin fish plush somewhere between them.

He immediately reaches for her hand. Like he knows. He probably does. He's always been observant. 

“Hey,” he whispers. He’s still groggy with sleep, his eyes likely not even open. “Tell Sokka what’s wrong.”

Something in her breaks. The lack of sleep, mostly, but she’s also tired of holding this in. She doesn’t know how her friends can help her, but she’ll never know if she doesn’t try. “I keep hearing it.”

“Hearing what?”

“The battle. On the airships. The metal scraping and falling. _Us_ falling.” She squeezes his hand. Sokka has long fingers compared to the others. His middle finger is crooked from when he broke it when he was younger. And the _callouses -_ his hands are the roughest of the group, their grip hard to forget.

“But we didn’t fall,” Sokka says. He moves a little, his bad leg still in a cast, and tangles the good one with Toph’s. “We’re okay.”

“We almost fell. We were so close.”

“Nah,” She feels Sokka shake his head. He yawns. “Not even a possibility. I wouldn’t drop you. Wouldn’t let that happen.” He moves their clasped hands up to his mouth so she can feel his grin before he plants a quick kiss on the back of her hand.

She smiles, watery and shaky. “You’re full of shit.”

“I am not. I’m the man with the plan, I was just waiting for Suki’s big return. I’m _very_ theatrical.”

Toph sniffs. “That’s true.”

His voice undulates, like a tide, some parts louder, some parts she can barely hear. He’s about to nod off again. “But it was scary,” he agrees. “Very scary. I still have nightmares about it, too.”

He’s fibbing about the nightmares, she can tell. But she plays along. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” he says, drowsy. He runs his thumb back and forth along her knuckles, just like Aang had. “You should stay. Your mean mug will ward off the bad dream demons.”

She cracks a grin. “I have a mean mug?”

“The meanest.” 

“Okay,” she agrees. “I’ll stay.” She pokes the button of his nose. “Just for you.”

“Thank you.” He kisses her hand once more before he rolls over on his back again, this time dragging her to his side. “We’ll figure this out, okay? It won’t last forever. But in the meantime, remember: I got you,” he whispers. “I’ll hold your hand whenever you want.”

She rests her cheek against his arm, already feeling sleep about to take her, too. “Yeah?”

“Me, Aang, Katara, Suki. Even Zuko. You don’t even have to ask. Just grab it.” He yawns again and she doesn’t think he’ll say another word, he sounds so sleepy. “We’ll never drop it.”

He lets out a snore then, and Toph smiles, closing her eyes with hopes of good dreams. And she does. Everything is peaceful.

When she wakes up, Sokka’s still holding her hand.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway. dipped my toes here. I have never written an atla fic so we'll see if this sticks lol.


End file.
